You know when you go out of your way to do something for your partner or your child as a way of showing them you love and care for them and they don’t even notice … YEAH THAT!!
There have been times with my husband where he has said to me how he isn’t feeling the love from me (meaning I have been task focused robot mum for the past week or so) however I personally feel like I have been showing him lots of love.
Many years ago I heard about this idea of love languages and it interested me. I am pretty sure it involved some kind of silly quiz I had to fill out which would solve all of my life’s problems haha. I will admit I do love a silly quiz!!
Aside from the silly quiz this concept really interested me. I ended up reading the book by Gary Chapman called 5 Love Languages – The Secret To Love That Lasts.
This book changed everything for me and made me really understand why sometimes when I think I am being loving towards my husband he doesn’t get it and sometimes when he thinks he is being loving towards me I don’t get it.
You see we all have different ways that we experience love. What we tend to do as humans is love people in the way that we want to be loved. The problem is that if the person you are loving does not have the same love language as you then they won’t see that as loving the way you would.
So what are these 5 love languages I hear you say …
- Touch (not necessarily sex but just physical contact like cuddling on the couch or holding hands)
- Gifts (presents)
- Quality Time
- Words of Encourement
- Acts Of Service (going out of your way for someone or cleaning the house etc … very practical)
So after I read through all of the things it came to my attention that hubby’s love languages were touch and words of encouragement and mine were quality time and acts of service. Here within lie our problem haha, we didn’t have the same.
My husband was often trying to get me to cuddle on the couch and encourage me in my pursuits and then thinking that was his way of being loving towards me. I however was not experiencing his love as all I wanted was for him to help tidy up the house without being asked and spend some time talking with me about us and the kids.
I was going out of my way to make sure hubby had his lunch ready to go everyday for work with clean clothes and trying to give him space in the afternoons to finish off his work as my way of loving him but all he wanted was a cuddle on the couch and to be told he was doing a good job.
We were both missing the mark and although in our own ways were trying to love each other that is not what we were experiencing.
Once we really understood what was happening we were able to start to change how we show each other love to reflect what the other person wanted not what we wanted if that makes sense.
We often laugh as hubby says I have it easy as all I need to do is tickle his back for 5 minutes and he is a happy man where as he has to clean the house to make me happy lol.
Love languages not only apply to us as adults but they apply to our kids as well. Each individual person experiences love in a different way and if all we ever do is love people the way that we experience love then some of those around us may never really feel like we love them the way they need.
There is lots of information out there on the 5 love languages and how we can understand them to best love the people around us.
Gary Chapman has written books specifically on children which you can find out about here:
And teenagers which you can find out about here:
As well as the original book which you can find out about here …