Do you worry about what other school mums are saying about you? Do you not get out of your car at drop off or pickups to avoid other school mums? Do you spend extra time making sure you look good and are wearing the right clothes before you go to school?
Well you are not alone, in a recent Telegraph survey of 500 parents found that a third of Mums had experienced exclusion or bullying at the school gate.
When my daughter started school I felt like I was starting high school all over again, trying to fit in, worrying if people liked me and what other people were saying about me. You see for me this was a major issue as throughout my high school years I was bullied and all of these insecurities were re-emphasised and bought back to life when I became a school mum!
“How was I going to get Mums at the school to like me if I could not even get girls from high school to like me?”
What makes it even worse is that as a mum you put yourself under more pressure to be liked by the other school mums as you desperately want your child to be accepted in the school environment as well.
These feelings went on for many years until I was able to understand that I needed to stop looking and blaming people on the outside for my own inside insecurities. I needed to heal myself from the high school bullying and empower myself in the now with the school mums. This has then allowed me to build up my confidence to be able to not only walk into the school grounds but anywhere as a self-assured and confident person.
I could not change people around me but what I could change is how I felt inside and how I reacted to what was going on around me.
Now it sounds easier said than done, which is why I have listed below 3 crucial steps that you can do today to start to make the changes in your thoughts and ultimately your life…
Self-compassion – we are judgemental and critical of ourselves more than anyone else in our life. How can we expect other people around us to treat us with compassion and kindness when we do not treat ourselves this way! It starts with you. Begin to notice what it is that you are saying to yourself and see how you can treat yourself as a best friend.
- It all starts (and ends) with me – we cannot change how people around us react or act but what we do have control over is how we act and react. To do this we first need to go within and see what and why we have the outside feeling, like anger, anxiety or low confidence. The inside is the only place where long lasting change can happen.
- Rise above – move away from the pettiness and treat people around you like you would like to be treated. Be respectful and understanding of what people around you are going through.
An amazing and motivating reason for you to start to deal with your issues is to become a role model for your children. Be the mother who is confident, happy and calm to show your children how they too can be confident, happy and calm themselves.
Always remembering that a happy mum will result in a happy child – yes it starts with you! You have the power to make the changes.
Speaker, author of Beyond the Schoolyard and owner of a successful Kinesiology business, Debbie Rossi is passionate about helping other families to not go through the bullying which she experienced as a child. It is all about creating happy, secure and confident Mums and children.
You can find out more at www.debbierossi.com.au.
*feature image from ike-s